Wednesday, October 25, 2006

falling off the plate

Today was a crazy day. We have a staff meeting at Ornamentea once a month and you'd think I could be on time. It's at 8:30 and it's four blocks from my house. Nope. Couldn't do it. I ran around trying to put together an outfit that said "hi, I am the boss and I am competent and I do not have spit up on me" and at the last minute realized that my sweet daughter was still in her jammies. Big sister was dressed and out the door for school with dad and I was still trying to solve my wardrobe dilemma. Why can't I just wear a pink dress with black leggings and green socks and a fleece hat with stars on it? Trust me, what I came up with eventually wasn't really all that great.

The meeting went fine. We covered all the events we have planned for November, especially the days after Thanksgiving (free classes!) and Jane showed us the new items. I love the new lockets and would like to make a very intense, heavily locketed necklace filled with baby pictures for myself. I couldn't concentrate as much as I wanted to during the meeting as I was holding Nora and she was talking the entire time. Babies don't know that is rude. She was also majorly distracting to other folks. I may have to see if I can get her to be less cute. I had a bunch of other things I wanted to do at work (finish the kiln room clean up, order the new professional tools with Jane, put together a greeting card order) but I ended up leaving early as I had forgotten to bring a baby carrier for Nora. My arms were exhausted and she was exhausted and wasn't being so cute. She had switched to cranky. I felt a bit defeated as I am too far behind anyhow, but what could I do? Subject everyone to a cranky baby and me to sore arms?

The afternoon wasn't much better. My major accomplishments were
#1 putting the clean sheets away that have been sitting on top of the dryer for three weeks
#2 finishing a necklace (putting a clasp on it) that I have been wanting to get done for two weeks
#3 sorting out some pictures for an altered book I am working on-still need to scan them but this is a start
All the while I was thinking about making a dinner that used more than one dish (we had pasta again so that didn't happen) and painting the mantel and writing up that project I just finished for a magazine proposal and a million other projects I didn't get done.

So tonight I was meditating while I lay next to my daughters at bedtime. It seems to help them fall asleep if I just get really quiet and allow my mind to focus and relax at the same time (yeah, I do it all for them!)I was thinking back over my frustrating morning and realized that my plate is just way too full. Really. I can't possibly handle everything on it. The more I thought about that the more overwhelmed I felt until suddenly I heard a voice say "well, who made you put all this on your plate, missy?" and I realized that my plate was full but that I had made it that way. It is my fault that I have too much to do. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I must want all these things-that all this 'to do' is my life.

That was better.